This week, I’m going to be sharing a short story that I really enjoyed writing last year. It takes place in the future, where our protagonist tries to use his time-travel device to find his one true love. I shared this with some folks last year, but if you haven’t read it yet, I hope you enjoy.
I’m running along a white-sandy beach in Indonesia on that nice, wet part of the sand that’s still firm from the receding ocean. On this part of the beach, your feet don’t sink in too much. It’s pretty great to run in.
To be honest, I prefer Hawaii though - Hawaii has spam. But this isn’t too bad. I look down at my body and nod. I’m in pretty decent shape too. Budding dad bod, but nothing too chunky.
Something’s wrong though. Not to be too needy or anything, but…
I’m all by myself.
I’m 40 years old at this point. Shouldn’t I be married or at the very least have a girlfriend by now? Also, what kind of 40 year old man goes to a tropical beach resort by himself anyways?
To put it mildly, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this timeline. Unless I was some old white dude looking for some Asian chick half his age, I had no business being in this Indonesian resort all by myself.
I close my eyes and take a second to breathe in the crisp ocean air. I would settle down into a timeline eventually. I just need to find the right one.
Click.
“Time Travel For Dummies”, Page 1
With this guide, learn how to use your time-traveling device to explore your infinite set of futures without disrupting the space-time continuum for those around you.
Please note that the writers of this guide reserve the right to not be responsible for the following:
Navigating to excessively depressing futures: The likelihood of you navigating to a negative future is positively correlated with the negativity of your present-day situation.
Sadness associated with your loved ones being dead in a future timeline: This sadness is likely associated with you not loving these people sufficiently in your present life. Treat this as a learning moment.
Only being able to navigate to one future timeline: Accept this timeline wholeheartedly. Your fate is sealed.
I’m having dinner at my 1-bedroom apartment in downtown LA, and across from me is my girlfriend, Michelle who I’ve seen in countless other timelines. We’re in some penthouse suite in a modern, luxury highrise. It’s the kind of building with all those nice perks and the receptionist who remembers your name but actually hates you.
Also, we have a bidet. Things are looking pretty good so far.
Michelle and I are having drinks as we enjoy the view of the skyline. She’s the closest thing to “We were meant to be”, but not in the deterministic sense. We just have so many mutual friends that we’re almost guaranteed to cross paths in future timelines.
Sometimes, we become good friends. Other times, we end up having three kids and grow old together. It really just depends on how lonely we’re both feeling when we first meet each other and how shitty our previous relationship was. Usually, we get along pretty ok.
Not now though. When I tune into this timeline, we’re in the middle of some argument over something stupid, and I get the sense this isn’t the first argument we’ve had today. I check my watch.
It’s 11 am.
Click.
“Time Travel For Dummies”, Page 4
Time travel was discovered on March 5, 2019, without much fanfare. That day, neurologists from the University of South Wales ran a study with the following experiment setup:
Participants wear a medical device that monitors their brain activity.
Participants are asked a series of questions.
Participants press a button once they decide on an answer.
Using neurological information provided from the medical device, these neurologists found that they knew how these participants would respond to their questions up to 11 seconds before the participants pressed the button to indicate that they had made a decision.
In short, these researchers knew exactly how the participants would respond even though the participants believed themselves to still be deliberating.
Professors in Philosophy departments saw the results of the study as relevant to how we understand free will. Perhaps the unconscious parts of our brain play an outsized role in our decision-making processes, they mused.
Meanwhile, researchers at a small start up called NEXT were curious about the medical devices that were used in the study. If these devices knew what you were going to do 11 seconds ahead of time, was there a version of these devices that knew what you were going to do 30 seconds from now?
What about an hour?
A day?
A decade?
It’s dark. Actually, it’s just completely pitch black. What the hell is going on here?
And then it clicks: I’m 2 years into the future, and in this timeline, I’m dead.
I wonder what happened. It must have been a car crash. I always was a bit of a shitty driver. Not aggressive or anything, but aggressively safe which is dangerous in its own way, kind of like the Asian grandma who drives through the intersection too slowly kind of dangerous.
I hope it was quick. I’d hate to bleed out for an agonizing 15 minutes, only to have a paramedic come right on time to extend my life for another excruciating 30 minutes, which would be just long enough for me to gain consciousness to realize I can’t feel anything below my neck. Ya, I hope it was quick.
You’d think the afterlife would be a bit more peaceful, but nope. All I felt was existential dread, which made sense since I was technically still alive.
Weirdly enough, the last time I felt this much angst over my mortality was in my 5th grade history class. Back then, I was learning about the Roman general Pompey whose nickname was the “Adolescent Butcher” which was simultaneously endearing and terrifying. We were learning about how he had won some war against some nameless Roman barbarians, so to celebrate, the city of Rome threw a Triumph which was basically an over-the-top, wild celebration of a Roman general’s victory. I’m sure there were lots of wine, women, and gladiators - the standard Roman fare.
What I’m remembering right now though, is the bizarre order that Pompey gave during the night of the Triumph. Just before the festivities began, Pompey pulled aside his most loyal servant and ordered the servant to periodically whisper these words to him throughout the night, amidst all the reverie and debauchery:
“Remember, Pompey, you are mortal.”
Click.
“Time Travel For Dummies”, Page 12
NEXT-based time travel devices are similar to the medical devices used in the University of South Wales study (see page 4). However, NEXT has constructed a device that can make predictions not just about singular decisions, but predictions about the future.
In order for these predictions to closely mimic the true distribution of your potential futures, our predictions are computed and constructed, conditional on the neurological activity of other people. In short, your predictions are informed by real-time, neurological information gained from the billions of other people using NEXT technology.
Ever since NEXT technology achieved nearly universal adoption decades ago, the difference between NEXT predictions and your future has been found to be close to 0.
For further questions regarding NEXT technology, we recommend that you navigate to a timeline where your question has been sufficiently addressed in that timeline’s version of “Time Travel For Dummies.”
I’m in Northern California, and the sun’s about to set.
In this timeline, I met my wife, Lena, through a dating app. She’s gorgeous, smart, and kind-hearted. She also loves Hawaii, running on the beach, and most importantly, spam. We’re perfect for each other, and we’re also never meant to be - until now, that is.
I’ve never run into her in any other timeline, so it must have been a series of random events that caused us to meet. Maybe a completely random fluctuation of sub-atomic particles in the atmosphere caused an excessive amount of rainfall in Nebraska which caused Lena to stay indoors on a weekend, swiping right on a bunch of guys who didn’t deserve her, one of those guys being me.
I tune into this timeline just as Lena and I have settled into a hot tub at our vacation home in Stinson Beach. We’re up on a hill overlooking the ocean, and suddenly, I feel something I’ve never felt before.
My time traveling days are going to come to an end. This is the future I want to settle in.
I need to go back to the present, I thought to myself. I had to figure out a way back to this timeline, which paradoxically meant that I had to leave.
I hold Lena’s hand. “Lena, I’m sorry, but I have to go. ”
Lena looks at me quizzically, “What do you mean?”
“I… I can’t explain, but I’ll be back ok?”
Lena laughs. “You can be so damn melodramatic sometimes.” She turns towards me and grabs my two hands. “Listen, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here waiting.”
With tears in my eyes, I nod my head and look away.
Click.
I quickly remove my headgear and blink rapidly to get used to the low-fidelity view of reality. I needed to find my way back to Lena and that timeline. Hell or high water, I was gonna get there.
“I better not have thrown away that book,” I mutter to myself. Thankfully, there wasn’t too much to rummage through. I had an old, queen-sized mattress, an IKEA chair, and a bunch of to-go boxes scattered around my studio.
This was a pretty upscale setup for a bachelor pad these days. Most people preferred a more bare-bones apartment so they could shovel all their money on NEXT credits. After all, that’s where people spent most of their time anyway.
Underneath a Chipotle bag, I spot “Time Travel for Dummies.” This was the consensus go-to source for time travel questions. It was also free, which was nice. I’m still not sure how the authors made any money, but hey, I’m not complaining.
Now, I just needed to figure out how to navigate to that specific timeline I had found. I check the table of contents and turn to page 36.
“Time Travel For Dummies”, Page 36
There are many companies that offer assistance in directing your present timeline to one that you encountered while time traveling. Here are the top 3 companies we recommend for these purposes.
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We will update the above list in the next edition of “Time Travel For Dummies” once companies actually offer a legitimate solution to this common problem.
The biggest myth in time travel is that it’s possible to deterministically direct your present timeline to a specific one that you encountered on your NEXT device.
Because your future is conditional on timelines outside your control (see page 12), it’s impossible for you to direct your present timeline to your desired future. For example, it’s quite possible that the perfect timeline that you encountered was precipitated by some arbitrary, random event like an excessive amount of rainfall in northern Nebraska.
The writers of this guide understand that you may be feeling irretrievably devastated.
We will note, however, that there is a silver lining to all this.
Before time travel, people didn’t have the capacity to see the infinite number of timelines that awaited them.
You, the reader, however, now understand the soaring heights that your life can reach. And also the sinking depths. We encourage you to make the most of it. Remember, reader, you are mortal.
Really enjoyed this one!
Really enjoyed this one!